Lucky 50

Good bye my old friend. No longer will we have those days being spent together. Gone are the mornings we spent contemplating on what we would do together for the rest of the day. But I will always remember the many many times you were there for me....being my crutch...holding me up when I was down. The many times we went out drinking together and you were always there for me when I needed you. I know that I abused you in so many ways and you never seemed to care....you were still there the next time I needed you ....without fail. But the time has come now that we must depart and go our separate ways. I will not forget all the good times we had together. The way we would think all of those great ideas together....Its hard to imagine doing it without you....But I must.
 I will miss you....and I am sure there will be times when I will think about you and wish you were here. I know we have said goodbye before and the two 10 month separations were much needed at those times.  But this time it has to be different. This time it has to be forever.

Okay, Now that I have said my goodbye to  cigarettes....its time to say hello to a new idea. Its called...living healthy. Its also called taking life by the balls and owning it. That's my plan.
Sometimes I can be the stupidest person on the planet. (it hurts when you realize something like that) And I know my wife is going to read this and say..." Excuse me Ian...Ive known that for over 35 years."
Sometimes I just think that I am in control of my life that I actually forget that I am not the one who is in control at all....in fact...I'm the one who is out of control and I take this blessed life that God has given me and I treat it as if its my truck (I don't take very good care of my truck either). God deserves better...and I deserve better. (my truck does too)
I went to work on Wednesday morning....here's my ritual (and here is also where the stupid portion comes in)
Get up and shower and have myself my first cup of coffee. With loads of creme in it....truck loads.(seriously...Its like drinking Milk)
I usually have a smoke before I leave (while I am enjoying my milk coffee)
After I finish my coffee...I leave for work and once I am on the road...I light another smoke because its a five minute drive to the gas station that I stop at every morning for my main cup of coffee with another truck load of creme in it.
Once I am back in my truck I am on my way to work and I have it timed so that I can smoke another 3 smokes. (In case you were wondering...Its a 20 minute drive)  I know that people who don't smoke probably don't understand this addiction and why people think they need to smoke 5 cigs before they start their day at work. But habits are so hard to break.

Anyway...I got to work and sat at my desk and all of a sudden...pain in the chest. A tightness that I have felt once before in my life. I knew what it was but I didn't want to admit what it was out loud.(enter in another dose of stupidity here) A couple of coworkers ask me if I was alright and I told them about the chest pains and ask them to find me some aspirin.(I was smart enough to do that)  But I was still determined to go to the morning meeting and perhaps the aspirin would help ease some of the pain and discomfort.(and then I do that....where does the stupidity end?) During the meeting I was holding my arm because it was having some pain shooting down them too. My co-worker who gave me the aspirin must have told my boss about the issues I was having and he immediately canceled the meeting and took me to the hospital.  It was no surprise that I had yet another heart attack. (at least it was no surprise to me)  I sort of knew I was on a downward spiral with my heart...I could feel it...I could sense it. But yet I did nothing about it. (Typical for me) For a smart guy....I can be really stupid. So now of course...I am struggling a bit with the whole non smoking thing. I have done it before and I was surprised at how easy it was...but this time I have a feeling it wont be so easy.

So basically...I have a lot of work to do. It involves eating better, quit smoking, exercise a whole lot more, and to not be a old bastard during the whole process.  and to be honest...I'm not that worried that I can do any of them. But that last one might be the hardest for me to accomplish. I will be fifty next Wednesday and that puts me in the "Old "category. But as I approach this birthday....I will also know that I am also in another category for a guy who has had two heart attacks before he was fifty...and that category would be called...the "Lucky" category. The good Lord must have something special planned for me if he wants me to stick around this bad.