Monday, July 28, 2014

Life is a BEACH Sometimes

Everyone has those embarrassing stories to tell right? Lets face it...Life is just funny sometimes.
My life is no different, and there are times when you just have to laugh at yourself.
Here's my story:

I went to Beaufort SC. for a work trip. I don't normally go on a whole lot of trips for work so when I do, I like to make the most of them. (and when the company is buying...) This trip I knew I wasn't that far away from the ocean, so my plan was to get there early and make a quick road trip to swim in the ocean.
everything was going smoothly, flights were on time, got my car rental and went directly to the hotel to check in. First question I ask far is the ocean from here? "Take this street here about 18 miles" the hotel clerk said. I get to my room and started to gather my stuff I would take with me. I searched frantically for my shorts only to find out that I forgot them at home. No big deal right? I will just find a store and buy some on the way. I start to travel with the directions the clerk gave me only to be turned around at one of the bridges where there was an accident. big deal...I just went and found a restaurant and had my company paid for lunch which included some of the freshest crab legs I have ever had and a nice cold beer.
So far so good...I continue on my way. I past a quite a few tourist shops but none that looked like they had any apparel suitable for swimming. That was until I saw this beachwear store about a mile from the beach. Its a good thing because I was beginning to think of what color underwear I was wearing and if they could be passed as beachwear.
I went inside and saw nothing but beachwear...friggin way cool. I saw some cool looking shorts that had some writing down the one leg...I didn't even bother to look at what it said...because it really didn't matter. Found a Large size and thought that I had finished my shopping in record time. I get to the car and thought to myself "You know what? I had better get some sun glasses too....if I'm going to the beach...I may as well look cool while I'm there. (I mean...I have been working out...right)
Anyway....I get to the beach and had to do some impromptu changing in the car.
Pants off....shirt off...underwear off....shorts on...shorts...on...WTF...I said Shorts ON dammit.
These shorts were not cooperating with my plans...yes..these shorts were like I was putting on a freaking dive suit. Tight as HELL. I tried every trick in the book to break them in and make them fit looser. I pulled and yanked them like nobodies business. I tried squatting but Hell no...these things would just not loosen was like they were made of spandex or something. I was faced with a decision...go like this and hope no one notices or just go back  and get a different pair of shorts. Wait...I will just cover up in my towel.
Now where is that thing...oh @#$%#@^* I DIDN'T BRING ONE...Are you kidding me right now?
I was so mad at myself...but I finally just said , screw it...I'm going....I just don't care anymore...I don't know anyone here...I can handle the looks...the stares...Ive seen worse pictures of old men at the beach in their speedos. Did I tell you that these shorts were WHITE? I honestly think these shorts were so tight you could see my skin through them. I start walking trying not to look at anyone and found a nice litter area where no one was around....within a 50 ft radius anyway. I go directly into the water and just sit there...And I must was everything I had hoped for and more...the water was warm...the sun was shorts were pinching my privates...But I just didn't care. I made it ...just like I said I was going to do.
I sat there for a good 20 minutes before I thought I had better start working my way back to shore. I was doing the crawl method and feeling around for shells in the sand...found one...a big one too...I start pulling it up to see what it looked like and all of a sudden I get this pinch on my had...SHIT...its a damn crab. I shook it off my hand and was kind of freaked out by it...not that I am afraid of crabs....just didn't know how many more were around and was unsure if I was going to step on any on my way back to shore.
So I hurriedly out of the water checking occasionally on my package to make sure it wasn't ..well you know.
I sit on the beach just wishing everyone would just leave so I could walk out with some type of dignity.
But instead...more people showed up...I hightailed it to the car.
Later I texted my wife about the incident. She laughed as well as I did about the whole event.
But it wasn't until after I get home that the real funny part happened. I was at work when I got this picture via text from her that said "Next Time PAY ATTENTION"

Summer Lovin


Where have you just upped and gone on me...left me hanging. You didn't even tell me you were going. The least you could have done was said goodbye.
OK so I know that's what you saying to me right now...but seriously I had six good reasons to leave my blog post. S-U-M-M-E-R 

Thought I would update you on my highlights so far...or at least the ones I can remember.

Went on a 4 day golf excursion with my brothers Scott and Dale and some good friends. I hadn't laughed like that in I couldn't tell you how long. Played 108 holes of golf. I now know why people drink when the go on golf trips like that...TO NUMB THE PAIN. And it works too!!  I am looking forward to next year already.

Getting the Garage all finished up. After 20 years of accumulation and straightening up the accumulation only to make more room for more accumulation.....I decided that this was the year I was going to make the difference and just do it. I did not take a before picture but I can only tell you that it would have been quite embarrassing had I did. But here are the after pics.

Also my new job has been going fantastically well. I celebrated my 1 year anniversary in March. I pray to God everyday thanking him for putting me there. Seriously Love it.

Scoped out a new place to watch fireworks this year. Few people and very close and way cool.

Had a family reunion
As you can family loves to have their picture taken.

Took a trip to Savanna Ga. for work.
Funny story about this trip....just not now ;)

And I went to 3 Tigers games.

Saw Tommy LaSorda at one of the games and found out he doesn't wear

Also found out that my wife is afraid of heights...see the look on her face? We were in the upper deck for this one and she could only handle it for 1 inning. She was a trooper though and let me stay until the 6th inning until I went and got her from the lounge and watched the rest of the game from a different location.

The wife and I have done alot together this year...we also re-did the basement floor. (Thus the idea for the garage) Both turned out pretty darn good I think.

So see...I was not just laying around drinking beer and farting on the couch. I was working what my mama gave me.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

One Year Plan

I remember the very first time that I saw a muscle magazine. My jaw hit the ground because I was in disbelief. How can anyone have that many muscles on their body let alone have that much mass to them.  They looked so weird to me. That was probably because I have never had that many muscles and even when I dreamed of having muscles….it was never like those men I saw in the muscle magazine. My dreams changed after that day….I couldn’t get those images out of my head. I had imagined what it must feel like to have that kind of muscle on your body.  What a muscle cramp for them must feel like. What it must feel like to lift your bride up off her feet without throwing your back out. (Not that that had ever happened to me….I knew better…but it would have been nice)
That was then….but now days all I wonder is how many painful hours they spent in the gym to achieve that type of muscle.  Being new to working out I started reading on how muscle is made. I found out that in order for you to grow muscle you must first break the muscle down. (Thus the pain)    And since I am not a big fan of pain….the whole growing muscle thing stayed in my head as more of a dream than actually trying to make it a reality. That was until I actually started going to the gym on a regular basis and started seeing some muscle on my arms and legs. Once I saw them and how cool they looked on me….I find myself wanting more.  I am willing to endure the pain a little bit more than I could before. And no one is in the gym at 2:00 in the morning, so no one hears the agonizing pain screams I let out when my arms or legs feel like they are going to burn off from my body. 
Now I catch myself looking into the mirror more often, and looking to see if any new muscles have popped out. I do not intend to ever get like those guys from the magazines. But I would definitely like some good definition in my body. I also know that it does not come over night; it is something that happens over time.  I am still too embarrassed to put any pictures of progress on here even though I know I would only get nothing but support from my friends and family.  It has been since the second week of January since I have been working out so I still have a couple more months before any really good progress can be shown. But I am excited and have a lot to learn on how to make this a reality.
This is what kind of muscle tone I would like to have by next January

When I started this I had intended this to be a one year commitment. I still plan on keeping that commitment but I really think it will be more of a lifestyle change for me rather than a one year plan.   I did take a before picture in the mirror and was pretty disgusted by what I saw. I didn’t like it. I had to do something about it and so I planned it all out. I would quit smoking on Jan 1st. Then I would start exercising the following week.  I would eat  better and lose the weight and get to the weight I had been at forever which was 187 lbs. (I started at 206) I am now at 193 and am determined to get to that weight I set.  At that point I will then focus on gaining more muscle mass by increasing my protein and calorie intake and changing up my work out routine. But the most important things I have to do are:
Enjoy it and take it one day at a time.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Holidays And Underwear

It has been a busy last couple of months….and by busy, I mean I’m using that word for the reason I haven’t blogged in that amount of time.  But if I was to be honest with you (Which I’m not…I am still sticking to my busy story) I would tell you that the holidays were quite boring for me.  I sat around and ate like a cow, and watched TV like a regular couch potato…..I think at one point Kim flipped me over to look for couch sores. The way it worked out this year it was 1 day of work, 2 days off, 2 days of work and then the weekend…..and repeat. It seemed like my spot on the couch never had a chance to fluff up before I was back at on it again.
I have quit smoking again….I had really been thinking about it and finally decided to give it another go round.  There is just nothing good that comes from smoking. I was smoking more from habit than from actually wanting a cigarette.  The food has never tasted so good this time.  I am trying to watch what I put in my mouth….and I can already tell that it is going to be tough.  But I have been eating salads and munching on celery…..I always wondered how animals that graze can eat all day long….now I know.  My hardest part of the day is at night when I get home from work.  I find myself really craving food that I know I shouldn’t eat such as pasta, burgers, more pasta, and more burgers.  But for just watching what I have been eating for the last couple of weeks….I at least feel skinnier. I don’t look any skinnier but I just feel skinnier.  I do splurge and eat something  that is not so good for me every now and then…but I figure if I am still consuming less calories that I was before…sooner or later some pounds should come off.  Just the fact that I am thinking about what I am eating is a good start for me.
Now for the next step…exercising.  That word scares me more than the words “quit smoking” ever did. Not sure what I am afraid of….all I know is that I would like to try a gym membership this time.  I think I would go more than if I were to try it at home. I could go after work when no one would be there…at least not many anyways.  I can picture it….I just have to act on it now….so I’m not sure why I haven’t done it yet.  My goal was to focus on quitting smoking first and then start on the exercise thing.  So I think I am ready now.
Here’s something really stupid…. And totally not related to the above paragraphs……remember my post about me keeping a running count on how many times I have dropped my towel  in the shower(3) ? Well I have this other thing that I do that is just as stupid…actually this one may be stupider.  And I am not a superstitious guy….at least I never thought I was until I realized what I was actually.   
I’m not quite sure how to explain this but here goes…. I choose my underwear based on the color because the color determines how my day is going to go at work.  I KNOW RIGHT?  WTH? But every single day I choose my underwear based on the color and what that color may represent….(to me of course).  And it doesn’t stay the same either…..meaning if Blue meant that I would be seen as an intelligent boss one day…it may mean that I will do something wrong if I wear the blue the next day (Different pair of course).  Basically it’s just whatever pops in my head as to what the color may mean.  Yes…I know that’s probably borderline psychotic…but that’s what I do every …single…….I justify to myself why I choose a certain color.  I am not sure how long I have been doing this now but it is a least been 4 or 5 months….everyday….even when I don’t go to work I still think about it.
And just so you know….Gray is the worst and Green is the best. These are the only two colors that don’t ever change in the meaning….don’t ask me why because there is no logic to any of it.  I haven’t ever figured out if what I think really comes true….because I forget what color underwear I have on after a few minutes….and let’s face it…that would be just down right creepy if I was right.  (As if knowing this now wasn’t creepy enough for you)