The Common Fear

 I was talking with my cousin Penny (who is a phlebotomist)  and she was telling me about her 3 friends from work who have all had serious bouts with breast cancer. (Yeah...I said 3) I am talking  Mastectomy's and double mastectomy's here.  These women all work in the same dept. at the hospital she works in. Now... I am no expert in statistics...but that just seems like the likelyhood of that happening is astronomically high to me. I had asked Penny if she feared that she would too be faced with it at some point? She replied to me "Doesn't every woman fear it"? It set me back for a moment. Every woman fears getting breast Cancer?
After thinking about it for a moment, I realised  "Why wouldn't they?.... because I too fear it...not breast cancer (However I have started to develop some pretty good sized "man boobs") But Cancer in itself is something that I fear. I suppose in some way...every person probably fears getting cancer at some point in their lives. And rightfully so...percentages says that it is probable....quite probable in fact.

Women go through mammogram testing each year as an early detection process. A mammogram is something I never understood  until my wife explained the process to me....the fact that they must squish the breast as flat as a pancake to take pictures of it...just flabbergasts me. (OK that's a mans version of the test) But are you kidding me right now? We can do some amazing things in this world such as send robots to Mars, or replace organs in the human body...but we cant find a better method to check for cancer other than squeezing a boob to take a picture? All I can think about is "Thank God there is not such a thing for men." A "Manogram" so to speak. But even if there was...I think I would be forced to do it each year. What else is there? I was terrified when I had to go through  the whole prostrate exam. (Yeah that's the one where you hope your Dr. does not have "Man Hands") I went through this and will continue to do it because the statistics of a man developing prostrate cancer is  1 out of  every 6 men. And Breast cancer is not a whole lot better with a 1 out of every 8 women.

 Although the survival rate is fairly decent for both of these cancers ...dieing from it is not what scares me....its the treatment that scares me the most. Radiation, Chemo therapy, and the possibility of many surgery's that one must endure, all of it just scares the hell out of me. I have seen first hand what chemo does to ones body.... not a pretty sight. I have always wondered if I would put myself through all that if  I was faced with that decision. My heart goes out to all those men and women who have suffered and survived such a horrible disease and treatment. You talk about inspiration?...these are the people where you can draw enough inspiration and adoration that you will ever need. I also have much adoration for those who have forgone the treatment and said..."enough is enough".
Fear of cancer is in my head...but also in my head is knowing that I cannot control what happens to me. Only god decides what he wants me to be faced with in my life. Another thing that I do know for sure is..... that whatever God decides...I will face it with pride and dignity.

I did it!! I did the10 mile Grim. I mean Crim race on Saturday. It was one of those goals that you set for yourself, and then when it comes time to actually partake in your goal...you ask yourself that familiar question..."What the Hell was I thinking?"

I am not a runner...never was...and most likely...never will be. I cannot think of one good reason why I chose a 10 mile run to be my "scratch that of the bucket list" goal. Do I like misery that much that I have to set goals like that to obtain it? Why couldn’t I have picked "finishing cleaning the garage" or the "Paint the house" type of goal vs. this one? I could have enjoyed the mental misery just as much. But oh no....I decided that physical misery would suit me just fine this time.

Ready to get this thing started.

The day started at 5:30 am to make sure I had drunk enough coffee so that I could poop. (Hey..I know its gross...but runners have to think of these things. Have you ever seen anybody run that had to go poop?,..yeah...they don’t have very good form ) SO...I got dressed in my tee shirt and running shorts...only to look down and see that my running shorts that I had put a second mortgage on my house to get, made my legs look this angelic white color. NIIIIICE !!! So I was feeling a little sick to my stomach at this point thinking....Not only am I going to come in last place in this race...but they will also have something to write about in the paper...like "Crim Loser shows off a new shade of white" But I said to myself....self...You are going to DO THIS....white legs and all. Besides....there is going to be 20,000 people there...there is bound to be someone there that looks more out of place than me....I hope.
(Note to self...Don’t ever buy Black shorts again) (Please dont think that I was stupid enough to post any pictures showing any part of my pearly white legs in this Blog ...I am way ahead of you :)

And I was RIGHT !!!!

After convincing myself that I was going to "bring Sexy back" with my white legs...We were off to the races!! My daughter Taylor ran with me and it was her first time too. She offered me some crackers and cheese before the race......she said "Dad you are going to need some energy so eat it". Although just the thought of it made me want to hurl.... I knew she was right.....I should eat something. "Can’t I just get a Hot Dog at the race?" is what I wanted to ask.
 But for the sake of looking like I wasn’t "In it to Win it" ...I ate them.

Race Time...Runners on your mark....(I was all pumped up...with "Eye of the Tiger song playing in my head) Get Set....(Yeah Baby....I doing it....I’m really doing it )Go!!!!!.............................................................................................................................................

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7 minutes go by until we actually reach the Start Line (yeah...that many people)...The "Eye of the Tiger" song was over now  and all I could think of is ...."What the Hell was I thinking?"

Taylor and I thought we would be better suited to start out walking to give our feeble bodies a chance to warm up. Good call on that one...whew...so far I’m doing well. After about the first 1/2 mile I was feeling really good and suggested that we pick up the pace a bit...so we ran about a 1/4 mile and then walked again. I was still feeling even better when I looked over my shoulder and saw hundreds of people behind us.

Taylor and I continued to do our run/walk thing throughout the whole race. And even after 7 miles...I was still feeling pretty confident of myself and Taylor. In Fact...I must be honest with you...a day or two before the race I had thoughts of Taylor not wanting to finish. I thought to myself..."Did I sign her up for failure?" "Is she going to able to keep up the pace I want to set for myself?" I was even resigned to not finish the race myself if something happened and Taylor couldn’t do it. Ummm well I was a little off on my estimation of her will power. She not only kept up a face pace...she was pushing me as well.

Mile 8...Hey...who put this wall here? I ran smack dab into it! Im talking about that proverbial wall that runners (and now walkers) get when they have reached that certain point while trying to reach super stardom.

My body started to ache and my feet were suddenly on fire. What the Hell was I thinking?

Two more miles Ian...you can do this...You...Must ...push....On... (Said in a voice in extreme pain)...and I did....and when I hit the 9 mile marker...I knew I could do it. Even though Taylor told me...sorry dad...I got to run and took off towards the finish line. Really Taylor? This is not how I envisioned it going...I thought that I was going to have to carry you across the finish line.

In no time she was out of sight and I was left alone...well not quite alone...

The pain in my hips were talking to me ...I heard them say...Not so fast ...Mr." I Think I am a Runner but you’re Not"

"If you think for one minute that you are going to cross that finish line without me introducing you to my friends "Pain in Calves and Lower Back strain" you have another thing coming." He was right...they both said their hello's and were nice enough to stay with me all the way until...oh wait...they are still with me...But I am sure they will be leaving soon. (One can hope anyway)

I saw the finish line...my heart was telling me to run.... so I tried. I think I went about four steps before saying. "Ouch...dang that hurts" I stopped running. 

Suddenly I thought..."Wait Ian"..."This is your moment"....You know that moment that you thought you said that you could do if you were ever faced with this type of adversity"? This was it for me. This was my defining Moment...are you a man or a mouse? Well...I did eat cheese this morning... Quit it Ian!

I took off running, blocking out the pain I felt with every stride... I suddenly started to here that song again...It’s the...Eye of the Tiger it’s... (You know the one) ...and at first I thought I would have to stop again....but then I remembered ....Kim would be waiting for me near the finish line...I couldn’t let her see the pain I was in... How embarrassing would that have been? Well...I ran by her but it was still embarrassing because afterwards she said I looked like a wounded Rhinoceros running.

I crossed the Finish Line ...I DID IT!!!! I FINISHED!!! I wanted to scream MEDIC!! But I refrained. Because the thrill of getting my medal made up for all the pain I was feeling. That was my Goal...Finish and get the Medal!! Mission Complete!!!

Taylors Time: 2:26:32

My Time 2:28:49

Whats its all about !!!

First on the Agenda...Scratch that off my Bucket List.

Showing off our Medals

Second on my list...Find a masseuse that will work on a Rhinoceros


P.S. We also stopped by Timbers Place after the race to show off our medals...I know she is so Proud!!

The Family Shrub

       I was talking to my daughter yesterday on my cell phone. She was ranting about numerous things, but I got the biggest chuckle from her when she started talking about child birth. I am not sure why she was talking about this subject but like I said...she was ranting and I was being a good father and listening. (I must admit...not all that well until she hit this subject...then I was all ears.)
Let me first say from my personal opinion...I agree with her on all this...how she feels about giving birth...the pain, body disfigurement, breastfeeding. the pain...did I mention the pain?  I have said this before... but to me....what women must endure to bare a child...just doesn't seem right...Why couldn't God just use his miraculous power and have a baby appear in the cradle one morning, instead of having women go through something that just freaks me out :) Or better yet...with today's technology....why couldn't we just download one from the Internet?  I know that a lot of women feel that its just a natural thing that happens and the pain is something you must go through to have a baby. A small price to pay for such a outcome.
 Well...Taylor is not that kind of girl. She was saying to me: (and all I could do was chuckle)

"Why would I want something growing inside of me...I would feel like a freak show delinquent."
"Why would I want to put my body through all that disfigurement?"
"Why would I want to have my sagging boobs when they are perfectly fine right now?"
" Why would I just sign up for that Pain?"
 I told her she could always have a C-section! "
Are you Crazy" she said..."And have a big fat scar across my belly?..."Oh Hells no" she said"


 It seems she has taken after her father after all...a big wussy when it comes to pain :)
I really didn't have good answers for her on the spot.(Not that I want her to get pregnant...cause I don't...not yet anyways.....only when shes ready...if ever....just sayin)
But I tried convincing her that the pain would be forgotten....I even asked Kim for some support ...I said Kim..."Do you remember the pain of childbirth?
And without hesitation she says....Yep.....but it goes away real quick. "See Dad" Taylor said.
 OK thanks Kim...(Not quite the answer we were looking for)....so OK Taylor. There it is...there will be pain involved during child birth. There is no getting around it.
Then Taylor started ranting about the gazillion dollars a child cost to own. Again...I had no answer for her. My last resort was to tell her that our family tree will look more like a Family Shrub if she didn't have any children.. But she didn't buy into the "throw the guilt" thing either.
So what do you say to someone who is afraid of childbirth? Having thought long and hard on it...Here's what I wish I had said.

The urge to have children that women have is all biological. It's the same as wanting to eat, sleep, and live. I think that if you are wanting a logical answer to your question of "Why" then you're really asking for the meaning of life. And sorry...I don't have it. But what I can tell you is why I wanted kids.

Timberly

I wanted to see myself reflected in my children
I wanted to know what its like to be a kid again.
I want them to know whats its like growing up with a family....my family!!
I wanted the smile and smell of a baby to awaken to. (The good smell of course) (you know the smell)
I wanted the joy and satisfaction of watching them grow up to be adults.
I wanted to think about the "Endless Possibilities" that a child brings.
I wanted to hear "Daddy's Home" when I walked through the door.
And because dirty feet and dirty faces on children make me smile.

Taylor

No...its not all good...there is more pain, and heartache you will also have to endure. And lets not forget about the tiredness, sleep deprived days and nights you have to survive. Let alone the financial and emotional needs and the patiences that children require.
I am pretty sure all women (and even men) have this same fear at some point when they are deciding to have children or not.
The fact that you are asking all the "why" questions...tells me you are preparing for the possibility of it happening one day anyway. And when you find the right man and come to terms with the options that childbirth brings...I am positive you will make the RIGHT decision based on the answers YOU come up with as to WHY? Until then....I will be guarding the Family tree or Shrub...both are precious to me, . :)

Dietbetes

I was watching TV yesterday morning and they were interviewing the author of a controversial book called "Maggie goes on a Diet". (I have not read the book but they showed quite a few clips from the book for me to get the idea of the books plot) Maggie gets bullied at school and is called "Fatty", "Chubby" and other cruel names. (Kids can be just down right mean can’t they?) Anyway...to make a short story even shorter....Maggie ends up going on a better diet and ends up being popular and a star player on the soccer team. A real "comeback story" right? Why the controversy?

I understand why people think that this sends the wrong message to children....Lose weight and you will become popular. Lose weight and you can be good in sports....and Lose weight and people will like you. All the wrong messages we don’t want our obese children of America to think...or is it?

I for one don’t understand what’s wrong with this book. And here’s why.

Let’s exchange the title of the book from "Maggie goes on a Diet" with the words “Maggie Eats Healthy". It pretty much changes the whole concept of the book doesn’t it? But that’s what Maggie does...she starts to eat healthier foods in her diet. We tend to think that the word "diet" means....not eating or sticking to eating very little and only eating vegetables all day to achieve a goal weight. It’s just associated in the wrong context. What we put in our mouths every day is our diet. Maggie was obviously consuming way too much of the wrong foods. Therefore she needed to change her diet. When she does that...the weight comes off and she is now able to live the life that she had always dreamed of.

The fact is...when she changed her diet....she started living up to her potential....being popular...being a star on the Soccer team...all of it was in her...but her weight was holding her back. One could argue that just because you lose weight that people are not automatically going to like

you....however...people are not going to like someone who doesn’t like themselves either. Maggie didn’t like herself...she wanted to lose weight. Once she did that, she became more positive and her self-esteem grew to new heights.

So for the haters of this new controversial book...I say to you....We are the most obese nation in the world....Our children are the biggest and laziest generation that there has ever been. What’s wrong with telling our children the truth....? "You need to change your diet”

What we have been doing in America....isn’t working!! Let’s quit sugar coating it and give it to them straight. "If you don’t change your diet...you will die”!!

All children want to be popular...they all want to be good at something. Those are normal goals that they all have. Being at a healthy weight gives them a great start at achieving their goals. I have never seen a really good overweight soccer player... have you? So if my daughter was overweight and I knew she wanted to be good at Soccer...I would not have a problem with sitting her down and telling her how she can achieve that goal. Even if it consisted of me telling her that she needed to go on a better diet.

And to be totally honest....maybe the author should have titled the book “Maggie’s parents don't really love her so she's used food for comfort and now risks a stroke before 30"

Parents play a very important role in this as well. And it starts by caring enough about your children to make sure they are not putting the wrong kinds of food in their mouth on a consistent basis. Making sure that their "Diet" is a healthy one.

Well Done Maggie...I’m proud of you!!