The Family Shrub

       I was talking to my daughter yesterday on my cell phone. She was ranting about numerous things, but I got the biggest chuckle from her when she started talking about child birth. I am not sure why she was talking about this subject but like I said...she was ranting and I was being a good father and listening. (I must admit...not all that well until she hit this subject...then I was all ears.)
Let me first say from my personal opinion...I agree with her on all this...how she feels about giving birth...the pain, body disfigurement, breastfeeding. the pain...did I mention the pain?  I have said this before... but to me....what women must endure to bare a child...just doesn't seem right...Why couldn't God just use his miraculous power and have a baby appear in the cradle one morning, instead of having women go through something that just freaks me out :) Or better yet...with today's technology....why couldn't we just download one from the Internet?  I know that a lot of women feel that its just a natural thing that happens and the pain is something you must go through to have a baby. A small price to pay for such a outcome.
 Well...Taylor is not that kind of girl. She was saying to me: (and all I could do was chuckle)

"Why would I want something growing inside of me...I would feel like a freak show delinquent."
"Why would I want to put my body through all that disfigurement?"
"Why would I want to have my sagging boobs when they are perfectly fine right now?"
" Why would I just sign up for that Pain?"
 I told her she could always have a C-section! "
Are you Crazy" she said..."And have a big fat scar across my belly?..."Oh Hells no" she said"


 It seems she has taken after her father after all...a big wussy when it comes to pain :)
I really didn't have good answers for her on the spot.(Not that I want her to get pregnant...cause I don't...not yet anyways.....only when shes ready...if ever....just sayin)
But I tried convincing her that the pain would be forgotten....I even asked Kim for some support ...I said Kim..."Do you remember the pain of childbirth?
And without hesitation she says....Yep.....but it goes away real quick. "See Dad" Taylor said.
 OK thanks Kim...(Not quite the answer we were looking for)....so OK Taylor. There it is...there will be pain involved during child birth. There is no getting around it.
Then Taylor started ranting about the gazillion dollars a child cost to own. Again...I had no answer for her. My last resort was to tell her that our family tree will look more like a Family Shrub if she didn't have any children.. But she didn't buy into the "throw the guilt" thing either.
So what do you say to someone who is afraid of childbirth? Having thought long and hard on it...Here's what I wish I had said.

The urge to have children that women have is all biological. It's the same as wanting to eat, sleep, and live. I think that if you are wanting a logical answer to your question of "Why" then you're really asking for the meaning of life. And sorry...I don't have it. But what I can tell you is why I wanted kids.

Timberly

I wanted to see myself reflected in my children
I wanted to know what its like to be a kid again.
I want them to know whats its like growing up with a family....my family!!
I wanted the smile and smell of a baby to awaken to. (The good smell of course) (you know the smell)
I wanted the joy and satisfaction of watching them grow up to be adults.
I wanted to think about the "Endless Possibilities" that a child brings.
I wanted to hear "Daddy's Home" when I walked through the door.
And because dirty feet and dirty faces on children make me smile.

Taylor

No...its not all good...there is more pain, and heartache you will also have to endure. And lets not forget about the tiredness, sleep deprived days and nights you have to survive. Let alone the financial and emotional needs and the patiences that children require.
I am pretty sure all women (and even men) have this same fear at some point when they are deciding to have children or not.
The fact that you are asking all the "why" questions...tells me you are preparing for the possibility of it happening one day anyway. And when you find the right man and come to terms with the options that childbirth brings...I am positive you will make the RIGHT decision based on the answers YOU come up with as to WHY? Until then....I will be guarding the Family tree or Shrub...both are precious to me, . :)

Brotherhood



Dale, Regina and Me

 I come from a fairly large family. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I am the middle boy. My older brother Dale Jr. is 1 and 3/4  yrs. older than me. By the time my youngest brother Scott came along I was already 10 years mature. What prompted me to write this blog was that I thought about the fact that what makes us who we are has alot to do with our siblings. When I was growing up....I really cant remember a day when Dale was not involved in my daily activites.Not that I dont remember playing house and school with my sisters (which would always end in a fight) :)  But my brother and me were almost inseperable. We would play ball, ride bikes, and do all the normal things together that brothers normally do, but there were also special moments that we will always share which make up our brotherhood. Here are  a few....

Monster in the Window.
Boys in one room and girls in another...thats how it was growing up in a three bedroom house with six children. There wasnt to many nights that we didnt get yelled at or threatened to get our butts paddled for being to noisy at night. But this particular night we were actually in our own beds and we were being quiet.  Dale  and I were in one bed and Scott was in the other bed . There was a window in the middle of the beds.
I was almost to sleep when Scott says:

 "Duner" ?(Which was Junior in baby talk) 

What? I heard him whisper to Scott.

Can I sleep with you guys? he asks in a very scared voice.
No ...Dad says you have to sleep in your own bed, Dale said sternly.
But Im scared.
What are you scared of Scotty? Dale asks.
Scott replies.."The monster in the Window" !!
Knock it off Scotty and go to sleep.

No..I seen a monster in the window really.

Just at that moment we hear this sound coming from outside...It was an unusual sound that got my attention quickly after hearing something about monsters in the window. And I could see that Scotty had sat up in his bed and was ready to flee at the drop of of a pin.

Junior  had also froze stiff after hearing this strange noise.
Did you hear that Ian? Junior asks
"Its just the wind" I said trying to convince myself.
No I think theres something out there Junior said

"Well look and see" I said as I backed as far away from the window as possible (He was the older one...it was his duty to protect...lol)

Dale starts to move closer to the window

Just as he edges near the window....this giant face appears and makes this loud noise (Play Video Now)

Scott was out of his bed and in our bed before I could even let out a scream. In fact I dont think I did scream because I was too amazed at how fast Scott moved from his bed to ours. I am talking lightening quick folks. I chuckle everytime I think about it.  Its one of those moments that you share together and know how funny it actually was because we were there and witnessed what pure adrenelin can do to a kid. :)

Earlier that day my Dad and sister Felice had just moved the fencing for the horses and they attached it to the side of our house. (Yeah...We lived on a 1.99 acre ranch) So who knew they would actually come to the window? We sure didnt.

The Long Walk home

We were down at the neighbors house about 1 mile away from our house. We were there most of the day and I remember my dad telling us to be home before dark. So of course we waited until dark and now we were to afraid to walk home. We called dad...dad said no and get our butts home now. We kind of figured on that one but it was worth a try.Hmmm do we travel the road or do we cut across the fields? The shortest distance between two points is a sraight line so we took off through the fields, Dale had the flashlight and I was following him. The season was fall so the weeds were tall and brown. We were only 9 or 10 years old so we werent much taller than the weeds that we were walking through. I sensed that Dale had slowed for some reason but he didnt say anything. I was peeking over his shoulder when we saw it. The light coming 

Boo

from Dales flashlight froze on the subject. And like Siamese twins we both let out the exact same sound...first dale..then me. It was this sound that we made that makes this moment special to us...its hard to describe but it sounded alot like Charlie Browns Teacher (wha wha wha wha you know how you cant understand what she is saying?) Whaa....Whaa

We both made this noise and we were not even sure what we were seeing. When we were done making strange noises and after our bodies unfroze from the scared stiffness we were in...we watched the skunk go on his merry way. 

Well we ran the rest of the way home and I was never so glad to be home in my whole life.. We still laugh about it to this day.

The Swing
The  swing was just up the dirt road that we lived on. Along the side of the road there are steep banks and of coarse the banks are lined with various different types of trees. The Swing was a Vine that dangled from this tree and we used it to swing out over the road when cars came by. (I know...we were not the smartest kids on the block) But it was fun and we made a fort on top of this bank and we spent many a day at

 "The Swing". I took my first puff of marijuana at the swing via a homade bong that Dale made from Biology class. It wasnt my best day at the swing but Im just saying that we did alot of stuff at the swing. This particular day we had just about the whole neighborhood up with us swinging over the road and landing safely back on the top of the bank. Cars would never stop but I remember hearing them blow their horns a few times as we swung out above them. We did this for a a couple of years. The swing was like ole faithful... bringing us back safely each time.

"Hey lets see how many people we can get on the swing at one time"...David the dumb neighbor said.
"Yeah ok...lets do it"  we all cheered back. (We were just as dumb as David) 
OK on three...One ...Two...Three...
We all swung in what seemed like perfect unison. I had grabbed hold of the bottom of the vine and everyone else either grabbed above me or jumped up way above me to grab ahold of the vine. And out we go....This is so coool......well ....it was  cool...until the vine snapped. Swooosh...down to road we crashed.

 I landed first and then it was like a domino effect after that with everyone landing on top of me.

 It happened so fast it scared everyone...(We were so Lucky that a car was not coming because we were just stupid enough that it may have enticed us to do it at that moment.) I remember we all got up fairly quickly...mainly because of the adreniline rush we all had. Are you ok , Are you ok?  We all knew what happened but the magnitude of really happened didnt really hit us until we realized that we no longer had a swing.

"The Swing" as we knew it was no more. Once we relized this, it was no longer a matter of being thankful that we all survived the fall with no injurys....it was OMG we have no more swing. We coulndnt believe it. Our Hearts broke along with the vine that day. A Piece of our childhood was gone. But at least we shared this memory together. Just one more piece of our Brotherhood.