The Family Shrub

       I was talking to my daughter yesterday on my cell phone. She was ranting about numerous things, but I got the biggest chuckle from her when she started talking about child birth. I am not sure why she was talking about this subject but like I said...she was ranting and I was being a good father and listening. (I must admit...not all that well until she hit this subject...then I was all ears.)
Let me first say from my personal opinion...I agree with her on all this...how she feels about giving birth...the pain, body disfigurement, breastfeeding. the pain...did I mention the pain?  I have said this before... but to me....what women must endure to bare a child...just doesn't seem right...Why couldn't God just use his miraculous power and have a baby appear in the cradle one morning, instead of having women go through something that just freaks me out :) Or better yet...with today's technology....why couldn't we just download one from the Internet?  I know that a lot of women feel that its just a natural thing that happens and the pain is something you must go through to have a baby. A small price to pay for such a outcome.
 Well...Taylor is not that kind of girl. She was saying to me: (and all I could do was chuckle)

"Why would I want something growing inside of me...I would feel like a freak show delinquent."
"Why would I want to put my body through all that disfigurement?"
"Why would I want to have my sagging boobs when they are perfectly fine right now?"
" Why would I just sign up for that Pain?"
 I told her she could always have a C-section! "
Are you Crazy" she said..."And have a big fat scar across my belly?..."Oh Hells no" she said"


 It seems she has taken after her father after all...a big wussy when it comes to pain :)
I really didn't have good answers for her on the spot.(Not that I want her to get pregnant...cause I don't...not yet anyways.....only when shes ready...if ever....just sayin)
But I tried convincing her that the pain would be forgotten....I even asked Kim for some support ...I said Kim..."Do you remember the pain of childbirth?
And without hesitation she says....Yep.....but it goes away real quick. "See Dad" Taylor said.
 OK thanks Kim...(Not quite the answer we were looking for)....so OK Taylor. There it is...there will be pain involved during child birth. There is no getting around it.
Then Taylor started ranting about the gazillion dollars a child cost to own. Again...I had no answer for her. My last resort was to tell her that our family tree will look more like a Family Shrub if she didn't have any children.. But she didn't buy into the "throw the guilt" thing either.
So what do you say to someone who is afraid of childbirth? Having thought long and hard on it...Here's what I wish I had said.

The urge to have children that women have is all biological. It's the same as wanting to eat, sleep, and live. I think that if you are wanting a logical answer to your question of "Why" then you're really asking for the meaning of life. And sorry...I don't have it. But what I can tell you is why I wanted kids.

Timberly

I wanted to see myself reflected in my children
I wanted to know what its like to be a kid again.
I want them to know whats its like growing up with a family....my family!!
I wanted the smile and smell of a baby to awaken to. (The good smell of course) (you know the smell)
I wanted the joy and satisfaction of watching them grow up to be adults.
I wanted to think about the "Endless Possibilities" that a child brings.
I wanted to hear "Daddy's Home" when I walked through the door.
And because dirty feet and dirty faces on children make me smile.

Taylor

No...its not all good...there is more pain, and heartache you will also have to endure. And lets not forget about the tiredness, sleep deprived days and nights you have to survive. Let alone the financial and emotional needs and the patiences that children require.
I am pretty sure all women (and even men) have this same fear at some point when they are deciding to have children or not.
The fact that you are asking all the "why" questions...tells me you are preparing for the possibility of it happening one day anyway. And when you find the right man and come to terms with the options that childbirth brings...I am positive you will make the RIGHT decision based on the answers YOU come up with as to WHY? Until then....I will be guarding the Family tree or Shrub...both are precious to me, . :)

Dietbetes

I was watching TV yesterday morning and they were interviewing the author of a controversial book called "Maggie goes on a Diet". (I have not read the book but they showed quite a few clips from the book for me to get the idea of the books plot) Maggie gets bullied at school and is called "Fatty", "Chubby" and other cruel names. (Kids can be just down right mean can’t they?) Anyway...to make a short story even shorter....Maggie ends up going on a better diet and ends up being popular and a star player on the soccer team. A real "comeback story" right? Why the controversy?

I understand why people think that this sends the wrong message to children....Lose weight and you will become popular. Lose weight and you can be good in sports....and Lose weight and people will like you. All the wrong messages we don’t want our obese children of America to think...or is it?

I for one don’t understand what’s wrong with this book. And here’s why.

Let’s exchange the title of the book from "Maggie goes on a Diet" with the words “Maggie Eats Healthy". It pretty much changes the whole concept of the book doesn’t it? But that’s what Maggie does...she starts to eat healthier foods in her diet. We tend to think that the word "diet" means....not eating or sticking to eating very little and only eating vegetables all day to achieve a goal weight. It’s just associated in the wrong context. What we put in our mouths every day is our diet. Maggie was obviously consuming way too much of the wrong foods. Therefore she needed to change her diet. When she does that...the weight comes off and she is now able to live the life that she had always dreamed of.

The fact is...when she changed her diet....she started living up to her potential....being popular...being a star on the Soccer team...all of it was in her...but her weight was holding her back. One could argue that just because you lose weight that people are not automatically going to like

you....however...people are not going to like someone who doesn’t like themselves either. Maggie didn’t like herself...she wanted to lose weight. Once she did that, she became more positive and her self-esteem grew to new heights.

So for the haters of this new controversial book...I say to you....We are the most obese nation in the world....Our children are the biggest and laziest generation that there has ever been. What’s wrong with telling our children the truth....? "You need to change your diet”

What we have been doing in America....isn’t working!! Let’s quit sugar coating it and give it to them straight. "If you don’t change your diet...you will die”!!

All children want to be popular...they all want to be good at something. Those are normal goals that they all have. Being at a healthy weight gives them a great start at achieving their goals. I have never seen a really good overweight soccer player... have you? So if my daughter was overweight and I knew she wanted to be good at Soccer...I would not have a problem with sitting her down and telling her how she can achieve that goal. Even if it consisted of me telling her that she needed to go on a better diet.

And to be totally honest....maybe the author should have titled the book “Maggie’s parents don't really love her so she's used food for comfort and now risks a stroke before 30"

Parents play a very important role in this as well. And it starts by caring enough about your children to make sure they are not putting the wrong kinds of food in their mouth on a consistent basis. Making sure that their "Diet" is a healthy one.

Well Done Maggie...I’m proud of you!!

Ready for Vacation

I am on VACATION....don't be jealous OK. :)
Seems like getting ready to be on vacation is more work than its worth sometimes. I always seem to be more stressed the week before I go on vacation from work. Trying make sure that I have not forgotten things, making sure everyone is able to take over all the duties, and making sure the whole plant wont go under while I'm gone. (I know it wouldn't...but still..... you think so anyways) And once my vacation starts... it always takes me a few days to de-stress to even feel like I am on vacation.

Friday was me and Kim's wedding anniversary, so we did what we always do on our anniversary date....we went to the Beer tent during the Lapeer Days Festival. How romantic you may say....or maybe not. But we always enjoy seeing old class mates there and we always seem to have a good time. This year we went with Taylor and her boyfriend. And yes...we had a wonderful time. We even hit the  bar for a nightcap , where I sang "Always and Forever" to Kim. (Note to self....Don't ever sing when you've been drinking....especially a song that you haven't sang in twenty some years.) Luckily there was only a few people there to here the treacherous notes I was trying to sing. But hey...its the thought that counts right?

No, I don't have any big plans for my vacation, I just plan on relaxing and getting ready for the Crim race on Saturday.Taylor and I decided we would do it together and I cant let her down...so I will be walking/running everyday just to make sure I can go the 10 mile distance. Uggh!! But I will be thinking of the finish line...that's what its all about for me....just FINISHING!!!

I also participated in the Lapeer Days Parade this past weekend. (And let me say right now...This is soooo not my kind of thing) It was a last minute thought... but our Lupus Support Group walked in the parade to promote our "Pet Parade for Lupus" we are doing on October 15th. (last year we had 72 entries and was a Hoot)
My morning started with me trying to find Kim (Keep in mind that we did go to the Beer tent the night before so my sense of direction was slightly misguided)...Someone had to be there early and hold our spot (thanks Kim)...And I am not a morning person so my plans were to show up just before the Parade would start with our dogs. I walked all the way down the entire Parade line up looking for her....not a sight of her. I called her and she was trying to tell me directions of where she was..."You know where Parkway street is? she asked....I replied  "Ahh...No...I do not know all the side street names in down town Lapeer" (I was getting frustrated at this point) But as I am standing there talking with her...It dawned on me... (as my eyes gazed up at the street sign that said Parkway street) (let alone all the parade contestants all lined up down this street). I was standing on the street corner that she was speaking of. Arrrgh!! And then it hit me....I really need this Vacation. :)

Here's a few pictures of the Pets that we walked with....just some adorable pooches!!

During the parade I found myself enjoying something I wasn't really looking forward to. I think I'm ready now.... So Bring on the VACATION !!

I will Take "Quality Time" for 200 Alex

There is an old cliche that I hear all the time, and it really bothers me when it is used loosely. Its the one that everyone says when it comes to their children...you may hear it in a sentence something like this:" I am going to spend some quality time with my children." Its the whole "Quality Time" thing that has me questioning.What does "Quality Time" mean to people? Isn't all time spent with your children "Quality Time"?  Well...To me it is...but I have heard stories of people saying that they watched a movie with their kids last night and they followed it by saying it was quality time spent with the kids. Ummmm NO !!!

Maybe Mothers may think something different than the Fathers when it comes to describing what QT means to them. But since I am not a Mother (but have been called a Mutha) I will attempt to describe what it means to me. I think that there are three elements....

First...QT time with the kids, spouse, or any other person you Love, all starts with good intentions, and should never be done because you think you HAVE to.If you think you HAVE to....you actually have a whole lot of other things you need to fix first.  Real QT time starts with Love and ends with even more Love. So in other words...your heart has to be ALL IN.

Second...You must have interaction from both parties...you cant have QT with only one person talking. Everyone must have a chance to speak. (I have been telling my wife this for years....She still doesn't get it...lol) When you find yourself just listening...its not called "Quality Time" ...its called counseling, and you should be getting paid $75 an hour having to listen to it. :)

Third...You must be doing something fun. By Fun,...I mean something that you all have an interest in doing. I have always wanted to take my kids hunting with me...but they have no interest in watching me kill a deer. (or Bambi as they like to call them) Nor do they have the patience it takes to do so. So Hunting would not be a viable solution to spend QT with them. But sitting around the campfire having a couple of brew-has and talking about life would be great fun for them. (And me too..especially the brew-has) And it never fails...we always seem to hit a subject that is both discussion worthy. Its life in general we are talking about so there is always something interesting to talk about and I always seem to learn something about my kids. How they think, how they express themselves, what type of vocabulary they use, and most of all...how they Laugh. When I think of my children's laughter... its puts a immediate smile on my face.

I just hate it when people think that QT is defined as watching TV or working in the yard with their kids. You are not putting any investment in it when you do that. No interaction, No Fun!!!
You must invest your undivided attention to them and hear what they have to say and imagine. When I spend QT time with my nieces and nephews...I like to tell stories with them, we each take turns telling parts of a made up story. You can change where the story is going when its your turn...but until that time you can sit and listen to their imagination run wild. Its quite fun and we always have tons of laughs. On my part...I am investing my time and energy in putting a memory in their minds that they will remember the rest of their lives. And any time you can do that with your kids, spouse , grand kids,brothers and sisters....Its REAL "Quality Time"