River Riot

And were back...it came and went...the weekend of Bliss is over. We could not have asked for better weather for our canoe trip. It was just a picture perfect sunny day. Heres how it all went down. (my version)
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Before we started our trip, we checking the list that I made. (Yeah...I'm that guy) If I don't make a list I will end up having to run to the store several times each day for something that I had at home but forgot it because I didn't make a list. And besides, how would you feel if you got to your camp site only to find out that you forgot the grill? That would be silly....and I'm sure it doesn't happen to the average Great American Camper.....especially those that make lists.

We arrived at our campsite only to discover that we forgot the grill. Are you kidding me right now...I made a List !! We were supposed to get it from Taylor's house when we stopped to pick her and her friend Jamie up. Oops....no big deal..(Dad screw up #1)  I will just run to the store and pick up some charcoal. Obstacle overcome.Well...it would have been had I remembered to buy charcoal starting fluid...back to the store I went for the second time. (Dad screw up #2)  This plush 8x12 foot cabin did come equipped with a campsite grill. (did you catch the size of that plush cabin?) Ok...so they somehow made the pictures look a whole lot bigger than what it was. But "No big deal...we only plan to sleep in there at night" I said. (Dad screw up #3)

 "Lets start a fire"...Taylor said with great enthusiasm...Great idea....I mean it WAS a great idea...until we remembered that I didn't bring wood....off I go once again to buy some wood. (dad screw up #4)  The store owner was giving me one of those "You didn't make a list did you?" kinda looks. At this point I really didn't care what kind of looks he was giving me...I just wanted to relax by the campfire with a cold one in my hand...and it would all be better after that. And it was...the fire started with a little help from the torch that I brought, the beer was cold from the ice that we brought and wait....where are the bathrooms? Why do I see people going in and out of that tiny building across the street from our cabin? The girls spotted it and before I could say anything they were up and on there way over to verify our suspicions. Once I heard them cracking up...I knew we were right...they were outhouses.And although I took some ribbing from all of them, I was not too terrified myself  because I remember reading something in this Plush Resorts website that there were modern bathrooms and hot showers. I thought I would surprise them with that piece of info after I found out where they were. The beer was cold...the fire was burning, and so was our neighbors who occupied the cabin that was 5 feet from ours....oh how I love camping at a campground!!

We were scheduled to go out canoeing at noon the next day. That means we needed to be at the site at 11:45.....no big deal....we will have plenty of time. At 11:00 Taylor and Jamie remembered that they wanted some alcohol to take down the river. Being the calm cool and collective guy that I am...I didn't say .....:Are you freaking crazy?...You knew we where we were going and you didn't bring the things that you needed?  And I'm glad I didn't say that...... after the grill and charcoal incident....my words wouldn't have had much credit. So off we go to the store for the fifth time. We didn't know where a store was that sold alcohol...so we just chose a direction and went with it. We found a highway and took the exit to the first town that we saw......And you will never guess what this town was having on the day that we were in a hurry.....that's right...a parade! The girls finally asked around and found a store a few miles out of town.....and now we had 10 minutes to get back to camp....I whipped out my GPS and we made it only a couple minutes past our 11:45 deadline. We were about to load up the van but Taylor couldn't find her sunglasses..."whoa"..I said..."I don't think there are going to be any red carpet photographers on the river Taylor"...but oh no....its a life or death situation for her.....so she walks back to the cabin in search of her sunglasses....I just about lost it....but I yielded to my patience....And besides,...a Taylor and Dad argument usually ends in a whole lot of yelling and I just didn't want to cause that kind of scene when we were about to embark on a very fun trip......ok I know the van will wait for her...its just that she was putting my fun on hold while she was looking for her sunglasses...and as it turned out...she didn't find them anyway. So my patience paid off.

As I said before, the day was beautiful and the sun was shining. This was by far worth wait. Grill or no grill, this would be a time to remember. The river was absolutely beautiful. The Thornapple River is Michigan's longest river with a span of 88 miles. I would have loved to seen all 88 miles of it. Its wide, deep and the lack of paddling that one needs to do while canoeing...Priceless!! That gave us plenty of time to sit back and drink a few cold ones, and then a few more....and the small bottle of apple schnapps and raspberry vodka went down very well as a chaser...or was it the other way around? Either way...we were all smiling and having a great time. I only ran Kim into low hanging branches a couple times. I thought that wasn't too bad considering I had been drinking a bit. And besides, its not like we tipped over and she fell into the river or anything. We decided to pull over and have some lunch...sounds pretty easy...just maneuver your canoe to the side of the river...piece of cake...I got this honey!!  Now...you know how things happen fast... right?  And sometimes they happen so fast that you cant even explain what happened. (are you with me?) So the fact that I cant explain how Kim fell from our canoe and into the river is all because it happened so fast. Kim claims that she jumped out in order to save the canoe from tipping over....I called it abandoning ship. But whatever it wasn't...I can tell you what it was...and that is FUNNY....if you could have seen the look on her face when she came up out of the very cold river....it makes me chuckle just typing this. It was only after many, many, many jokes ...that we had our lunch and were on our way back down the river. We saw swans, muskrats, turtles, fish and egrets on our trip. I say we say a mermaid too...but Kim didn't think that was so funny. But we all had a wonderful time on the river, and none of us wanted the trip to be over. But the burgers and roasted sweet corn on the grill was a treat in itself when we reached the cabin. For me....the best part was after dinner and I laid down for a short nap....it was sooooooooo nice. I heard no kids frolicking around the campsite. Ahhh...... now this is what its all about!!  Job well done Dad...Job well Done !!!!!

Weekend Bliss

      
 This weekend we are going camping and canoeing. I will once again become one with Nature. Roughing it in the wilderness with the bears and coyotes. Oh wait...that's how I envisioned it. But the fact that Kim made me rent a cabin  at a lush resort camping facility, tells me it wont be as rugged as I once thought.

        You see, I go almost every year to the middle of nowhere for "deer hunting" (That's what I tell Kim anyways) for a week or sometimes even two weeks. I do go hunting...but that's not the purpose for going. I go because I love the outdoors and being alone in the wilderness just excites my senses. I can do whatever I want to do...whenever I want to do it. Sitting in front of a campfire listening to the howls of the nearby coyotes always lets me know that I'm not in Kansas anymore. (Yeah I know I'm from Michigan...but I digress)  I can drink as many beers as I dare, fart,scratch my ass,and any other disgusting thing that us men do, and no one will care one iota. (Well, that is assuming nobody is lurking in the bushes.)  Knowing that one slip up with my knife or tree stand could leave me stranded in the woods for days or even weeks before someone comes looking for me, It makes everything I do that much more critical and important. If something goes wrong in the field, I must use my mad McGyver skills to rectify the situation. That's why I always wear a belt ,chew gum and carry duct tape. OK, maybe I am over stating that fact that I really enjoy camping by myself. (Work with me...Im trying to paint a picture here.)

        The camping trip this weekend will be a little different than I am used to. OK ALOT different. The electricity, toilets that flush, coffee maker, blow dryer and the kitchen sink, are all things I will have to adapt to while roughing it. And did I mention the people...... the hundreds of people? Who will set up their tents and campers ten feet away from my cabin while their kids frolic about the camp sites. Kids?  (Note to self....Bring lots of beer)  I can see right now that my normal time in the hammock while the Yellow Bellied Warblers sing me into a dreamy sleep, just wont be the same. But hey, I'm a trooper...I will go with the flow...I will rough it out for the sake of happiness. If my family wants to relax at the pool or play mini golf, I will do it with a smile on my face...just for them of course.  (you feeling sorry for me yet?) Didn't think so.  However I will draw the line if someone starts singing Kumbaya while sitting around the campfire passing around a bottle of wine. C'mon, There is only so much I can take while I'm roughing it. :)

The Common Fear

 I was talking with my cousin Penny (who is a phlebotomist)  and she was telling me about her 3 friends from work who have all had serious bouts with breast cancer. (Yeah...I said 3) I am talking  Mastectomy's and double mastectomy's here.  These women all work in the same dept. at the hospital she works in. Now... I am no expert in statistics...but that just seems like the likelyhood of that happening is astronomically high to me. I had asked Penny if she feared that she would too be faced with it at some point? She replied to me "Doesn't every woman fear it"? It set me back for a moment. Every woman fears getting breast Cancer?
After thinking about it for a moment, I realised  "Why wouldn't they?.... because I too fear it...not breast cancer (However I have started to develop some pretty good sized "man boobs") But Cancer in itself is something that I fear. I suppose in some way...every person probably fears getting cancer at some point in their lives. And rightfully so...percentages says that it is probable....quite probable in fact.

Women go through mammogram testing each year as an early detection process. A mammogram is something I never understood  until my wife explained the process to me....the fact that they must squish the breast as flat as a pancake to take pictures of it...just flabbergasts me. (OK that's a mans version of the test) But are you kidding me right now? We can do some amazing things in this world such as send robots to Mars, or replace organs in the human body...but we cant find a better method to check for cancer other than squeezing a boob to take a picture? All I can think about is "Thank God there is not such a thing for men." A "Manogram" so to speak. But even if there was...I think I would be forced to do it each year. What else is there? I was terrified when I had to go through  the whole prostrate exam. (Yeah that's the one where you hope your Dr. does not have "Man Hands") I went through this and will continue to do it because the statistics of a man developing prostrate cancer is  1 out of  every 6 men. And Breast cancer is not a whole lot better with a 1 out of every 8 women.

 Although the survival rate is fairly decent for both of these cancers ...dieing from it is not what scares me....its the treatment that scares me the most. Radiation, Chemo therapy, and the possibility of many surgery's that one must endure, all of it just scares the hell out of me. I have seen first hand what chemo does to ones body.... not a pretty sight. I have always wondered if I would put myself through all that if  I was faced with that decision. My heart goes out to all those men and women who have suffered and survived such a horrible disease and treatment. You talk about inspiration?...these are the people where you can draw enough inspiration and adoration that you will ever need. I also have much adoration for those who have forgone the treatment and said..."enough is enough".
Fear of cancer is in my head...but also in my head is knowing that I cannot control what happens to me. Only god decides what he wants me to be faced with in my life. Another thing that I do know for sure is..... that whatever God decides...I will face it with pride and dignity.

I did it!! I did the10 mile Grim. I mean Crim race on Saturday. It was one of those goals that you set for yourself, and then when it comes time to actually partake in your goal...you ask yourself that familiar question..."What the Hell was I thinking?"

I am not a runner...never was...and most likely...never will be. I cannot think of one good reason why I chose a 10 mile run to be my "scratch that of the bucket list" goal. Do I like misery that much that I have to set goals like that to obtain it? Why couldn’t I have picked "finishing cleaning the garage" or the "Paint the house" type of goal vs. this one? I could have enjoyed the mental misery just as much. But oh no....I decided that physical misery would suit me just fine this time.

Ready to get this thing started.

The day started at 5:30 am to make sure I had drunk enough coffee so that I could poop. (Hey..I know its gross...but runners have to think of these things. Have you ever seen anybody run that had to go poop?,..yeah...they don’t have very good form ) SO...I got dressed in my tee shirt and running shorts...only to look down and see that my running shorts that I had put a second mortgage on my house to get, made my legs look this angelic white color. NIIIIICE !!! So I was feeling a little sick to my stomach at this point thinking....Not only am I going to come in last place in this race...but they will also have something to write about in the paper...like "Crim Loser shows off a new shade of white" But I said to myself....self...You are going to DO THIS....white legs and all. Besides....there is going to be 20,000 people there...there is bound to be someone there that looks more out of place than me....I hope.
(Note to self...Don’t ever buy Black shorts again) (Please dont think that I was stupid enough to post any pictures showing any part of my pearly white legs in this Blog ...I am way ahead of you :)

And I was RIGHT !!!!

After convincing myself that I was going to "bring Sexy back" with my white legs...We were off to the races!! My daughter Taylor ran with me and it was her first time too. She offered me some crackers and cheese before the race......she said "Dad you are going to need some energy so eat it". Although just the thought of it made me want to hurl.... I knew she was right.....I should eat something. "Can’t I just get a Hot Dog at the race?" is what I wanted to ask.
 But for the sake of looking like I wasn’t "In it to Win it" ...I ate them.

Race Time...Runners on your mark....(I was all pumped up...with "Eye of the Tiger song playing in my head) Get Set....(Yeah Baby....I doing it....I’m really doing it )Go!!!!!.............................................................................................................................................

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7 minutes go by until we actually reach the Start Line (yeah...that many people)...The "Eye of the Tiger" song was over now  and all I could think of is ...."What the Hell was I thinking?"

Taylor and I thought we would be better suited to start out walking to give our feeble bodies a chance to warm up. Good call on that one...whew...so far I’m doing well. After about the first 1/2 mile I was feeling really good and suggested that we pick up the pace a bit...so we ran about a 1/4 mile and then walked again. I was still feeling even better when I looked over my shoulder and saw hundreds of people behind us.

Taylor and I continued to do our run/walk thing throughout the whole race. And even after 7 miles...I was still feeling pretty confident of myself and Taylor. In Fact...I must be honest with you...a day or two before the race I had thoughts of Taylor not wanting to finish. I thought to myself..."Did I sign her up for failure?" "Is she going to able to keep up the pace I want to set for myself?" I was even resigned to not finish the race myself if something happened and Taylor couldn’t do it. Ummm well I was a little off on my estimation of her will power. She not only kept up a face pace...she was pushing me as well.

Mile 8...Hey...who put this wall here? I ran smack dab into it! Im talking about that proverbial wall that runners (and now walkers) get when they have reached that certain point while trying to reach super stardom.

My body started to ache and my feet were suddenly on fire. What the Hell was I thinking?

Two more miles Ian...you can do this...You...Must ...push....On... (Said in a voice in extreme pain)...and I did....and when I hit the 9 mile marker...I knew I could do it. Even though Taylor told me...sorry dad...I got to run and took off towards the finish line. Really Taylor? This is not how I envisioned it going...I thought that I was going to have to carry you across the finish line.

In no time she was out of sight and I was left alone...well not quite alone...

The pain in my hips were talking to me ...I heard them say...Not so fast ...Mr." I Think I am a Runner but you’re Not"

"If you think for one minute that you are going to cross that finish line without me introducing you to my friends "Pain in Calves and Lower Back strain" you have another thing coming." He was right...they both said their hello's and were nice enough to stay with me all the way until...oh wait...they are still with me...But I am sure they will be leaving soon. (One can hope anyway)

I saw the finish line...my heart was telling me to run.... so I tried. I think I went about four steps before saying. "Ouch...dang that hurts" I stopped running. 

Suddenly I thought..."Wait Ian"..."This is your moment"....You know that moment that you thought you said that you could do if you were ever faced with this type of adversity"? This was it for me. This was my defining Moment...are you a man or a mouse? Well...I did eat cheese this morning... Quit it Ian!

I took off running, blocking out the pain I felt with every stride... I suddenly started to here that song again...It’s the...Eye of the Tiger it’s... (You know the one) ...and at first I thought I would have to stop again....but then I remembered ....Kim would be waiting for me near the finish line...I couldn’t let her see the pain I was in... How embarrassing would that have been? Well...I ran by her but it was still embarrassing because afterwards she said I looked like a wounded Rhinoceros running.

I crossed the Finish Line ...I DID IT!!!! I FINISHED!!! I wanted to scream MEDIC!! But I refrained. Because the thrill of getting my medal made up for all the pain I was feeling. That was my Goal...Finish and get the Medal!! Mission Complete!!!

Taylors Time: 2:26:32

My Time 2:28:49

Whats its all about !!!

First on the Agenda...Scratch that off my Bucket List.

Showing off our Medals

Second on my list...Find a masseuse that will work on a Rhinoceros


P.S. We also stopped by Timbers Place after the race to show off our medals...I know she is so Proud!!