Sunday, February 27, 2011

Facing Facts

Do you remember when you were 18 yrs old? I mean do you remember what it felt like to be 18? How easy it was to move your body? To not have any pain in your body at that age? either.
Age has a way of not letting us know in advance that our bodies are changing and we will no longer be able to do some of the things we did before until its to late.  You all know what I am talking about. That day you made the decision to do something that was fun and exciting that required a high amount of physical activity. And when you wake up the next morning you ask yourself the age old question....."Why did I do that?"
Its kind of the same thing as drinking to much the night at the infamous wedding reception where you thought you were "Johnny the Disco King" or " Betty Beat Box Ballerina". The next morning your eyes open and immediately you realize that you cant feel your legs...that is until you try to move them.  You usually only make this type of mistake a couple of times before you learn your lesson.
I finally learned my lesson after I tried to play flag football one season on a league. Was I in for an eye opener? ..or a Body opener would be more fitting. I was 40 at the time, and I played running back...(I know right?...I run about as good as I spel..I mean spell (You get the picture) It wasn't 2 days into the practice when I pulled a groin muscle (Not really sure if it was a muscle or not, but whatever it hurt real bad when I ran.) I tried to play through the know ...I wanted to be a tough football player and besides, my wife and kids were coming to watch the I had to play. 
Its Game time and....did I mention our team sucked ?....really bad.?.. .yeah , we were losing like 27-0 in the first 5 minutes of play. So it wasn't like the other team  needed to try that hard to beat us...we just lost naturally for them. One play, our quarterback threw a pass to one of our receivers and he actually caught it and was running towards the goal line, I was watching him run when all of a sudden "BAM"........see all the pretty stars?Oh wait...those aren't stars.,..those are lights and why am I looking up at them?  Why am I laying down during a football game? 
Apparently some (much younger)  player from the opposite team decided it would be cool to blindside the old front of the stands where the old guys family was watching.
I did what any 40 year old, washed up, x-football player would do, I got up and pretended it didn't really happen. (you the old guy who falls down while he is dancing at the reception and he gets up really quick and keeps on nobody saw him....but everybody did.) I didn't feel any pain ...I swear...well except for when the kids started talking about how daddy got flattened like a pancake on the sideline and my wife saying" Honey...your not a spring chicken anymore". Both of those hurt pretty bad. But she was right and it was time I faced the facts...and I did.  I took up Bowling :)

Its a hard thing to face when your brain is telling you that you can still do these type of things but your body yells back at the brain saying...Hey you idiot.....what the hell were you thinking?..I'm to old for this crap!!!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011


It was in the 7th grade when I had my first real expierence with singing. I had a choir class in a mobile unit just outside of E.T.White Jr. High School with a little Jolly ole lady named Miss Kalinquin. She was always smiling and saying nice things to people, but you always somehow knew that she had a mean streak and if you raised its ugly head, things would get nasty really quick. Her voice was very loud and raspy, like she smoked a few years to long. One thing that she always did was walk up and down the middlie isle and encourage the kids to sing loud and proud. When she walked by me she moved in close to me and listened for a moment (Of course I sang louder at that moment) But she stood back up and said "Wonderful" and continued on her way. It was that moment when I decided that I was going to be a singer.  I guess that happens when your head swells at a increasing rate like mine did at that moment. In reality, she could have been speaking about something other than my voice but I always thought she was talking about me. And it also changed my life I think. I couldn't imagine a life without singing in it. And she made me want to sing.

Second one down on the left is me.

I sang in high school every year in both Choir and Choiralairs which was a group of the best singers and we performed at different functions and things. It was like a Glee group if you watch TV at all. Needless to say I always had fun in both classes because we were singing and when I sing, I am happy. It was my Junior year when I auditioned for a traveling Band and Choir called Musical Youth International. It cost like 100 dollars to tryout and it took place in Saline Michigan , about an hour away from where I lived. I auditioned and made both the choir and Band but I would later quit the band and only sing with the choir. We traveled to Australia my Junior year and we went to Spain and Africa my Senior year.
I have to thank my parents for allowing me to go on these trips, I know we really couldnt afford them but they knew it was important to me and they did what they had to do so that I could go.

Brian Murrell

Inside the Famous Opra House.

This trip was so much fun I couldn't tell you everything we did on it.  But lets just say that I am thankful that I am still not in customs explaining the zip lock bag filled with weed. I had plenty of good times with my buddy Brian,  a drummer in the band. Our biggest claim to fame is that we smoked out of a one hitter inside the Sydney Opera House. I am not positive but I am pretty sure that we are the only ones in the world who can say that we did that. (Im sure my parents would be so proud) But it was fun non the less.  We sang in some of the most awesome cathedrals in Austrailia and Spain..I mean hugh buildings with super high ceilings and the best accoustics you could imagine.We sang everyday at some function or other...sometimes 2 or three times a day...depending on how far we had to travel to get there. The bus rides were never fun. But everything you look at outside was new so it distracted you from the boredom of the ride.
Our first place we stayed at, was the Olyimpic Training Centere in Africa, for one week. Sounded really cool right...well, it wasnt for most. Once people saw what type of bathroom that they had to use...oh my!! Basically it was a trough with a few holes in it for the waste to go into. The bitching started and it was up to the President of the group to call a meeting to calm things down. Did I tell you that I was President that year? I basically had to tell them that acting like this was not a good way to show that we appreciated their hospitallity. "We represent the United States and We must act like good ambassadors for them" I think once I said that...they calmed down and relized what little babys they were acting like. After that I think they really enjoyed themselves (except when they went to the bathroom). I traded the shirt off my back for a silver medal from a javlin thrower that I roomed with. (I thought that was kinda cool) My first barter I ever made and I lose the shirt off my back. Nice !!
MYI was founded in 1964 by Dr. Lester McCoy whom I never met. But his achoholic wife was a dear old lady who ran things after Lester passed away. She was a hoot I must say....I think the picture says it all. Bless her heart.

Mrs.Lester McCoy

After high school I sang at churches and weddings, I even did a small group that we called "4 the Cross"
We sang at alot of different functions. The four of us hooked up after we all did a musical together that was a real big success.It was called Two from Gallilee.  A Love Story between Mary and Joseph in which I played Joseph. There were live animals in the play too. (Kinda cool...just sayin) But I was glad we all hooked up after the play was over because there is always something about 4 part harmony that makes me smile. :) And we were pretty darn good. I think we stayed together for 4 yras or so.
One of my biggest moments came when I got to sing the National Anthem at the Flint Generals game.There was over 5000 people there. I was so scared I almost forgot the words..I was rehearsing the words to the song minutes before I was going on and it went someting like this....What so proudly we hailed at the twilights last gleaming......"Oh shit not again"...what is it what is it?....I never did get them in my head before I went on, I was just hoping to God that they would just come to me naturally and they did thats one reason I did not get down on Christina Aguilera for screwing up the words at the Superbowl. I came very close to doing the same thing.And I totally understand how someone could do that.Luckily for me it went well and everyone cheered and away I went. I cant begin to explain what a high you are on after doing something like that. You feel all rockstarish and your ego is at its alltime biggest. That is until your wife says.."Honey, go warm up the car so we can leave" That kinda lets you know that your 1 minute and 32 seconds of fame is over. Back to Reality
Singing will always be a part of my life no matter if I am singing for someone or if I am singing to myself .(which is all the time). (if you are around me long enough you would know that is true). 

I never thought I was good enough to become famous but the the thought of how nice that could be, never left my brain. Music is not only the universal language, it also has a way of influencing your perception of emotion. Powerful stuff. And to be able to touch peoples lives through music...Priceless !!

Monday, February 21, 2011 failed.

Once you have children, and they grow into mature adults. As a Father you say one of two things to yourself.(depending how your children turned out) You either say "Yeah...I did a good job as a father" or you say..."Damn...Mom fucked up" Luckily I have only had to say option one. But deep in my mind I cant help but question If I was a good father or not. Mainly because I am not sure what a fathers role is. How can I be a good father if I don't know what it is I am supposed to do in order to be one?
There is no  check off list  like...Did you support and encourage them ... Yes except for the time when she wanted to become a pole dancer  So Check on that one , Did you help guide them  yes...except for the time when they were in their teenage years and thought they knew everything. (What was I supposed to do?)  So Check on that too. You see..If there was just a check system in place so that we could make sure that we as parents didn't forget something that could be crucial to our children becoming responsible adults , it would be so nice.
Some parents just seem to be perfect ..They do everything according to some book that Betty Boob wrote. But what they don't know is why she wrote this book...she wrote it to get away from the kids. The kids were probably driving her crazy and she needed to get away 8 hrs out of the day to regain her sanity. Meanwhile a nanny was raising her own children. (That's just my theory)

So back to my do I know that I was a good Father? In my head I don't think I was...In my heart I think I was a very good father. What is the role of the Father anyway?...Is it the disciplanaryinan? Is it the Rule Maker?  Jeez....I hope not...I would have definitely failed as a father because I was neither really. Mainly because I worked 3rd shift for so long that I wasn't always there for those roles except on weekends. I  think what I did to compensate those roles was I tried the friend thing that they say you are not supposed to do. That was a treat....for a short while anyway, until you actually had to dish out a some discipline. Then it was like BFF just became your enemy #1. So really I didn't play that role very good either. Do you base your accomplishment on whether or not they get a good paying job? Or maybe what social network they hangout with? I just want to know if I was a good Father or not...why is that so hard to answer for myself? I Love my children as much as I possibly can...but doesn't mean that I was a good Father does it? I think the best way to decide on an answer is to do the pro vs con list. and which ever has the most biggest list, wins.

Cons (Or things I did not do well as a father)                                              
I did not do well at changing diapers.
I did not do well at making it to all of their school functions
I did not do well at letting them have the last word
I did not do well at showing my daughters that Husbands should do dishes too.
I did not do well at Listening to them when they had boy trouble
I did not do well at helping them with their homework

Pros (Or things I did do well)
I made sure they always had fun.
I taught them how to laugh at themselves
I made them good debaters
I taught them that education was important
I taught them what a man is really thinking
I taught them how to speak their mind. 

Damn...they tied...So maybe I should just ask them and see what they say...after all its not really important how I feel about it is it? But it is more  important how they feel about it...they would tell me like it is with no Bullshit...well on second thought...maybe I should rethink that route. They might do just that....I mean , if  I look at all my pros...they will speak their mind about the subject thoroughly and have fun doing it.

Okay...maybe I wasn't a good Father...Maybe I was just one hell of a Dad.  :)

Friday, February 18, 2011

Memory is the first thing to Go

               I find it very funny how people can have the same experience together with someone but yet have totally different memories about it. I have experienced this with multiple people and each time it never ceases to amaze me that the other person is telling the story completely wrong, and actually believes that what they are saying actually happened. There can only be one true story people...and I believe that yours is not it. But my story on the other hand is always least according to my brain it is.
              It happens with my wife and I alot. I have even seen this happen an hour after the event happened. My wife is telling the story differently than what actually happened. I hear her telling this story over the phone to her mother...and it bothers me to the point where I have to interject and let her know what really happened. Now I am not claiming that I have the best memory in the world...but I am pretty good at remembering what happened an hour ago. So let me tell you one story told in two different memories...mine and my wife's.

              My wife and I were at Timberlys resting place the day after her funeral. We were making sure the dirt on top was even and we were picking up the rocks and smoothing out the ground. My wife and I were sitting down on the ground and she was working on one end and I was on the other. She picks up a clump of hard dirt and is breaking it apart when she finds this key. She was like..."Oh my God, look what I just found". I could tell she was about to cry. (Now here is where the discrepancy comes in ) But anyways ...I said..."Looks like Timber sent you a key to heaven so you have a Free Ride now" (I said that.....but according to Kim she said I said,... she was about to do you think she would say that when she was about to cry?) I think Not !!  And besides...I know what I said. When we arrived home...Kim calls her mom as she often does and tells her what she found. Only she tells it the way she remembers it, with her saying that to me.Huh? Did I just hear her say that she told me that?
You may think that this is such a petty thing....and in the scope of all things important...It is .Most people would just let it go ... However I cant just let it go when I know its not right. (Its a curse I think) If only I could do that sometimes...just walk away and keep my mouth would make those moments go much more smoother. (I did say IF) I am not that nice...or patient. I call a spade a spade. Its not that I think that I own the statement ....its just the fact that she is not the one who said it.
 I can even admit when I am wrong on that rare occasion when that happens and I also understand that there is a slight possibility that my brain is playing tricks on me and I am the one who is not remembering things the exactly the way that they happened. As a intelligent human being I must know that it is a possibility....a very slight one....but a possibility non the less. But it has happened I have come to the conclusion that there is no way that I could be wrong that many times.

Here's another instance:

In my last blog I talked about my brother Dale and how we were always together. What I didnt tell you was that when I was young, I also had a small speech problem...I couldnt say my Rs very well. Yeah I got made fun of sometimes by the other kids...but in their defense...they were just being kids. I would just wun fwum them...oops...I was reverting there...but you get the picture right? Well, Dale had told this story to my daughter and I had to laugh because his version of how it was is not quite true. His version goes like this:
"Yeah your dad had a really bad speech impediment and nobody knew what he said anytime he talked. They would always look at me and ask ...What did he just say? So I always had to interpret for  him. I even had a hard time understanding him myself sometimes.
  Really ?....So thats how you remember it huh?  I know I did have a hard time with my Rs but cmon man... I could say all the other letters of the alphabet pretty good.  Unless I was explaining to people how to "wewind the camawa"...I am pretty sure that everyone understood me. I did have a speech teacher that helped me to pronounce my Rs by the time I was in the 4th grade. I mean...cmon Dale...You were not in my grade to speak for me so I am pretty sure  I could speak good enough for people to understand me without the interpreter. In the back of my mind I cant  help but wonder if maybe I really was the one that nobody understood...I mean, how would I know that for a fact? Its kind of like when your siblings tell you that your adopted...your mind starts to wonder a bit and then you start to realize that  you don't really look like anyone else in your family and then you start believing it.

                    So all this makes me wonder if we don't alter our memories to fit the way we think. Kim thought that what I said was cool and she said to herself..."I should have said that" and goes in her memory as if she said it. Maybe Dale just wanted to be a Big Brother and talk for me as a child and poof it goes in his memory like that too. Yeah...I am pretty sure that's the way it must work.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


Dale, Regina and Me
 I come from a fairly large family. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I am the middle boy. My older brother Dale Jr. is 1 and 3/4  yrs. older than me. By the time my youngest brother Scott came along I was already 10 years mature. What prompted me to write this blog was that I thought about the fact that what makes us who we are has alot to do with our siblings. When I was growing up....I really cant remember a day when Dale was not involved in my daily activites.Not that I dont remember playing house and school with my sisters (which would always end in a fight) :)  But my brother and me were almost inseperable. We would play ball, ride bikes, and do all the normal things together that brothers normally do, but there were also special moments that we will always share which make up our brotherhood. Here are  a few....

Monster in the Window.
Boys in one room and girls in another...thats how it was growing up in a three bedroom house with six children. There wasnt to many nights that we didnt get yelled at or threatened to get our butts paddled for being to noisy at night. But this particular night we were actually in our own beds and we were being quiet.  Dale  and I were in one bed and Scott was in the other bed . There was a window in the middle of the beds.
I was almost to sleep when Scott says:
 "Duner" ?(Which was Junior in baby talk) 
What? I heard him whisper to Scott.
Can I sleep with you guys? he asks in a very scared voice.
No ...Dad says you have to sleep in your own bed, Dale said sternly.
But Im scared.
What are you scared of Scotty? Dale asks.
Scott replies.."The monster in the Window" !!
Knock it off Scotty and go to sleep.
No..I seen a monster in the window really.
Just at that moment we hear this sound coming from outside...It was an unusual sound that got my attention quickly after hearing something about monsters in the window. And I could see that Scotty had sat up in his bed and was ready to flee at the drop of of a pin.
Junior  had also froze stiff after hearing this strange noise.
Did you hear that Ian? Junior asks
"Its just the wind" I said trying to convince myself.
No I think theres something out there Junior said
"Well look and see" I said as I backed as far away from the window as possible (He was the older was his duty to
Dale starts to move closer to the window
Just as he edges near the window....this giant face appears and makes this loud noise (Play Video Now)

Scott was out of his bed and in our bed before I could even let out a scream. In fact I dont think I did scream because I was too amazed at how fast Scott moved from his bed to ours. I am talking lightening quick folks. I chuckle everytime I think about it.  Its one of those moments that you share together and know how funny it actually was because we were there and witnessed what pure adrenelin can do to a kid. :)
Earlier that day my Dad and sister Felice had just moved the fencing for the horses and they attached it to the side of our house. (Yeah...We lived on a 1.99 acre ranch) So who knew they would actually come to the window? We sure didnt.

The Long Walk home
We were down at the neighbors house about 1 mile away from our house. We were there most of the day and I remember my dad telling us to be home before dark. So of course we waited until dark and now we were to afraid to walk home. We called said no and get our butts home now. We kind of figured on that one but it was worth a try.Hmmm do we travel the road or do we cut across the fields? The shortest distance between two points is a sraight line so we took off through the fields, Dale had the flashlight and I was following him. The season was fall so the weeds were tall and brown. We were only 9 or 10 years old so we werent much taller than the weeds that we were walking through. I sensed that Dale had slowed for some reason but he didnt say anything. I was peeking over his shoulder when we saw it. The light coming 
from Dales flashlight froze on the subject. And like Siamese twins we both let out the exact same sound...first dale..then me. It was this sound that we made that makes this moment special to us...its hard to describe but it sounded alot like Charlie Browns Teacher (wha wha wha wha you know how you cant understand what she is saying?) Whaa....Whaa
We both made this noise and we were not even sure what we were seeing. When we were done making strange noises and after our bodies unfroze from the scared stiffness we were in...we watched the skunk go on his merry way. 
Well we ran the rest of the way home and I was never so glad to be home in my whole life.. We still laugh about it to this day.

The Swing
The  swing was just up the dirt road that we lived on. Along the side of the road there are steep banks and of coarse the banks are lined with various different types of trees. The Swing was a Vine that dangled from this tree and we used it to swing out over the road when cars came by. (I know...we were not the smartest kids on the block) But it was fun and we made a fort on top of this bank and we spent many a day at
 "The Swing". I took my first puff of marijuana at the swing via a homade bong that Dale made from Biology class. It wasnt my best day at the swing but Im just saying that we did alot of stuff at the swing. This particular day we had just about the whole neighborhood up with us swinging over the road and landing safely back on the top of the bank. Cars would never stop but I remember hearing them blow their horns a few times as we swung out above them. We did this for a a couple of years. The swing was like ole faithful... bringing us back safely each time.
"Hey lets see how many people we can get on the swing at one time"...David the dumb neighbor said.
"Yeah ok...lets do it"  we all cheered back. (We were just as dumb as David) 
OK on three...One ...Two...Three...
We all swung in what seemed like perfect unison. I had grabbed hold of the bottom of the vine and everyone else either grabbed above me or jumped up way above me to grab ahold of the vine. And out we go....This is so coool......well was  cool...until the vine snapped. Swooosh...down to road we crashed.
 I landed first and then it was like a domino effect after that with everyone landing on top of me.
 It happened so fast it scared everyone...(We were so Lucky that a car was not coming because we were just stupid enough that it may have enticed us to do it at that moment.) I remember we all got up fairly quickly...mainly because of the adreniline rush we all had. Are you ok , Are you ok?  We all knew what happened but the magnitude of really happened didnt really hit us until we realized that we no longer had a swing.
"The Swing" as we knew it was no more. Once we relized this, it was no longer a matter of being thankful that we all survived the fall with no was OMG we have no more swing. We coulndnt believe it. Our Hearts broke along with the vine that day. A Piece of our childhood was gone. But at least we shared this memory together. Just one more piece of our Brotherhood.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Till Death do us Part

For most people this is a subject that they just don't talk about. Death. I wanted to write about it this one time and one time only. I am talking about planning your funeral. I asked Kim if there was anything she wanted done special at her funeral and she replied " Yeah...Could you make sure that you don't wear light colored socks with your black shoes?" I smiled and replied" And miss my last opportunity to embarrass you? Not on your life...literally"   But seriously... If you don't ever talk about it or have a will written then... anything could happen after your gone. To be honest...I think part of reason I am writing this is that I am a control freak and this is the last bit of control I will ever have....(assuming everything happens as planned). There is that possibility that my wife says "Screw you, you Bastard, I am doing things my way now" and doesn't do any of it. Either way, I would like to think of it like I am going out on my terms. :)
Truth is...I am writing this for many reasons , but one of the main reasons is so Kim and Taylor both do not have to decide on things. Its such a drag having to decide on things like what song should be played, or who should  speak at the ceremony. I mean these are things that could easily be decided before you die. Thus this Blog topic. :) I think of something I want to add , I can come back to this and add it in if I like.
So here's how I would like it to go.(as of now)

Place: Muir Brothers Funeral Home in Lapeer.

When: When I am Damn good and ready

Time: Please make sure it is on a Sunday at 1:30 pm (Even if I have to stay in cold storage for a few extra days)...the Sunday thing is important to me. Pay extra..I don't care I want my ceremony on a Sunday.....even if its at my house in the backyard... or make it like a Billy Bobs Back Yard Barbecue Bonanza, I don't care ...I just want it on a Sunday. I want people to gather on Sunday.

1) Crying -1st thing. Nobody cries at my funeral...If somebody does....You have my permission to go slap them up side the head. (Or ask them to leave) In fact I want that written on the handout sheet that everyone gets.  "If you cry at this ceremony you will asked to leave or suffer the consequences of being slapped."

2) Music-I do not want the funeral Home music to be played during visitation...I want good music...Taylor can pick all the music out...She knows what kind of music I like.....However at some time during the ceremony..I want a really cool version of Amazing Grace on Bag pipes played. Check them out on line ..there is one that is like 2 verses long and adds harmony on the 2nd verse. (No voices...just the bag pipes) If you wanted to play one of my songs...that would be cool too...just make sure its a good one. (P.S. Make sure the music is upbeat.during the visitation salsa make your feet move kinda music)

3) Officiating this ceremony will be (not sure yet)  But I want somebody who is not going to tear up and can explain that I lived this amazing life in a very funny way. I want them to go over all my many accomplishments...OK all 2 of them.(but if they want to exaggerate that's OK too. :) Hopefully by the time this is needed..I will have written my own eulogy and then all this person would have to do is read it. I have always wanted to write my own eulogy....kind of last blog to everyone. But after many futile attempts of doing so..I found that its harder than I thought. We shall see. Just make sure its somebody who can hold the attention of people. If I see people are falling asleep at my service...I will be pissed.   : )

4) Closed casket...I in no way want my friends seeing me dead in a casket...hells no. I am way to vane for that. I don't want them coming up saying that I look good...because I know they are lying through there teeth. I look freaking dead...not good...There is a difference people. What they really mean when they say that is that I look good -n- dead. So yeah....I'm gonna pass on all the compliments of how wonderful I look dead lying in a casket. If my family wants to see me that's ok..just none of my friends please. (That includes Good friends) I want them to remember me the way I looked when I was alive. Put a nice big Picture on top of my casket...if you want to put a funny one up that would be really cool too.

5) Clothes.  I would like to be wearing one of Timbers Hoodies and a pair of jeans. Kim, try to pick a color that looks good on me...I know they all do but ...  :) Oh yeah and sandals for my feet...I don't ever wear sandals because I have the most hideous looking feet...but I'm dead now ..I can wear anything I want. Besides Jesus wore sandals and I can give them to him when I arrive. I am sure he needs a new pair by now.

6) In my hands I would like to be holding my cross that I carry with me everywhere. Check in my pants pockets. (Assuming I haven't lost it by then) I received this cross in the mail a couple years back from some Catholic church  and I have kept it ever since.(And I am not Catholic) I received it prior to Timbers passing so to me...its like Gods way of saying...hold on to are going to need this when I take your daughter from you. (On the back of the cross it says Grace and Faith) The 2 most important things that God has shown me.

7) Story time-I by no means want (during the ceremony) people to get up and tell stories about me...I find that to be so gay...Keep your memories to yourself thank you. (That's what makes them special memories and If god wanted us to share them he would have made it happen.) :)

8) Prayer...I want 1 prayer ... one at the end. In the beginning I would like to have a moment of silence and then at the right opportune time...have somebody make a fart sound....OMG...wouldn't that be hilarious?...I cant wait to see that.
I would like my best friend Paul Sierakowski to say the ending one.(and Paul...if you cry I will smack you myself) Why you? Because I want people to hear you and see what a true man of God you are. P.S. No Farting around...pun intended.

9) Burial- Dawn to Timber and Mom.

10)  Graveside-I do not want to have the burial on the same day as my funeral. I only want Kim and Taylor there. Reason is.....I never understood why people want to go to the grave to see anyone put in the ground. Only sick fucks want to see that  That should just be a moment for immediate family members.

11) Pictures- Please do not put a collage of photos (or video) of me up. I really don't have that many good photos but I do have a really large collection of photos that if  you do put up....I will haunt you for the rest of your life.  (Nuff said) (Haha) Just the one Large Photo of me on my casket will suffice. Thanks  :)

12) The Handout- I was serious about the crying thing so please put that in there. On the cover I want a cool looking Peace sign with the words "Peace Out" on it. On the inside I really don't want any Bible quotes...I want quotes from Ianstein. Think of things that I say all the time or take some funny quotes from my blogs and put them in there. If you cant find anything funny...just write...Ianstein was a man of few words. :) On the back have a very cool picture of me too. :)
13) The Casket-so I don't have any real specifics on this but a Hunters green color will do for me...just make sure that I have enough room in the casket and it doesn't look like your trying to fit me in a kiddy casket. And I want enough room in case I wake up I can move around and live for long enough time to plan an
P.S. Please put my cell phone in with me. (You never know) Ha

OK So that's all I have planned for now. I feel dead already....Planning your own funeral is exausting.